"What do we identify in? Is it in your major? In your accomplishments? Your talents?"
These were the questions posed at the InterVarsity fall retreat.
These were the questions posed at the InterVarsity fall retreat.
If you had asked me my answer early this semester? :
musicfriends
running
musicintervarsity
ccfmusic
musicmusic.........
Why might music move up the ranks to settle on such a high priority? It is because of its nature. Day after day, the music school engrains my head with the idea of "perfectionism." Every little detail counts. It's SO easy as a musician to get lost in the music because of the never ending cycle of seeking perfection- to SERVE the music (as my former piano teacher would say). And while that makes music so much more worth it to pursue, it also scares me at the same time. "You are what you eat," as they say. Who am I SERVING? That is my prayer and hopefully my focus- that I would come to realize the question's significance- these next several years in music school.
So, the thoughts and lessons learned from the past 4 months?
I have been blessed incredibly with amazing friendships and mentors. I can't emphasize "incredible" enough! To have friends that are selfless, sacrificial, caring, loving- I see Christ through how they have blessed me. Everything from rides to the dry cleaners to hosting me at their house and sharing openly their deepest personal struggles while also listening to mine.
Financially, I have been incredibly blessed as well. I hardly payed for school this year, and I will probably get paid to go to school next year. Not having to work has helped me focus on being able to tackle my music much better, especially with my injury.
My identity in Christ: How important is it really to you, that Christ gave his life for you? Does that make you want to identify in Him? Have a burning passion and desire for Him? Serve Him?
I see all my friends who don't know Christ- how much of what they do is the same as myself, except without an eternal purpose. Now, I'm not trying to put myself above them- I am no better than them. In fact, if anything, I feel the greater need to share about Christ so that they too can experience the same. But just how important your life in Christ is- that's what counts. This semester, I saw a lot of people that identified in Christ over all other things, and it was extremely encouraging. Their faith is what caused them to be able to sacrifice "worldly things" that most people hold on to tightly because it is their only purpose in this life.
This semester, I shared one of my deepest struggles with two of my mentors. I was confused, hurting, lost in sin, bothered and so much more because I had held it in for many years and was so ashamed of it that I couldn't tell anyone. Since they didn't struggle with the same thing, I expected a very generic answer without a lot of understanding or insight. Instead, they said something incredibly profound: "We struggle with a lot of sin, but it is not sin that makes your identity. If you make Christ your identity, then the sin will be taken care of. No matter what it is, put Christ first, and the rest will follow." I am still struggling, and probably will be struggling with this for a very long time, but it is encouraging to know that I have the ability to seek a cure. One that is Christ.
Questioning faith: The one class I keep coming back to, Human Situation- does not address the human situation at all. It bashes and questions the supernatural, divine and everything else that goes along with faith and religion. Hundreds of times, I found myself sucked into that class, unable to refute what the professor were trying to engrain into my head because I knew deep inside that I did not really know what I believe as well as I should. Which brings about the importance of learning about why you believe what you believe. In college, it is not your parent's faith; it is not your pastor's faith; it is YOUR faith. That is why people choose to follow Christ or leave Christ in college. I wish, so hard, that I took all the bible lessons, memorizing bible verses and sunday school so much more seriously back in high school. Hundreds of times, I find myself unable to pull out verses when I need them, or when I'm sharing the Gospel, to be able to refer to the bible. If there's one thing I learned, it's to start taking it seriously and really get into the Word more. There are so many applications, and you just can't afford to ignore them.
Letting go of grades: In high school, I killed myself over an A- or B+. I worked as hard as I could to make sure that wouldn't happen. I thought that if you didn't get an "A," you would not get into a good college and your life would be screwed over. So, you can imagine why when I received my gpa of a B+ this semester, I felt a little shocked. Yet, I realized it was time to let go and not freak out or worry- as long as I tried my best.
Being independent: I wasn't overly reliant on my parents in high school, but I realized really how much they did for me when I did need help. Now a thousand miles away, they couldn't help and I couldn't ask for help either. When stuff got overwhelming I just had to suck it up and deal. In fact, even when I called home, my parents sometimes wouldn't really advise me at all for anything. At first I thought they were just being hard on me, but by the end of the semester, I realized I couldn't do things always relying on people. A lot of things I had to take care of myself. The more I got frustrated, the more my Christian friends and mentors turned me towards God for my answers. That's exactly what I needed...
Talking with some of my friends that stayed in-state for college, I feel like I learned many times more because I went to college out-of-state.
Letting go of grades: In high school, I killed myself over an A- or B+. I worked as hard as I could to make sure that wouldn't happen. I thought that if you didn't get an "A," you would not get into a good college and your life would be screwed over. So, you can imagine why when I received my gpa of a B+ this semester, I felt a little shocked. Yet, I realized it was time to let go and not freak out or worry- as long as I tried my best.
Being independent: I wasn't overly reliant on my parents in high school, but I realized really how much they did for me when I did need help. Now a thousand miles away, they couldn't help and I couldn't ask for help either. When stuff got overwhelming I just had to suck it up and deal. In fact, even when I called home, my parents sometimes wouldn't really advise me at all for anything. At first I thought they were just being hard on me, but by the end of the semester, I realized I couldn't do things always relying on people. A lot of things I had to take care of myself. The more I got frustrated, the more my Christian friends and mentors turned me towards God for my answers. That's exactly what I needed...
Talking with some of my friends that stayed in-state for college, I feel like I learned many times more because I went to college out-of-state.
I pray that God will continue to use amazing people in my life to encourage me, and that I can someday encourage people in the same way that they have encouraged me. It's not a coincidence that I ended up at UH. So many things happened that only point to God's work within my life. The very place I hated (Texas) turned into one of my life's biggest blessings, where I learned so many lessons and experienced God in so many ways- more than I could ever ask for.
Is there any more I can say?
-Koinonia kai Zelos
