Idols, Identity and Introspection- An End of Semester Reflection

"What do we identify in? Is it in your major? In your accomplishments? Your talents?"

These were the questions posed at the InterVarsity fall retreat.

If you had asked me my answer early this semester? :

music
friends

running

music

intervarsity

ccf

music

music

music.........

This semester, as I struggled to realize my identity, many other issues came up that I realized were taking precedence. It wasn't until some of my friends and mentors brought this up, that I even thought about this. In the back of my head, I always knew music was a big part of my life. But what I had not realized is that what I identify most with is also what I prioritize highest. Now- don't get me wrong- I identify in Christ too, but this semester- the trials, struggles, and even the joys- showed me that I don't prioritize Him as #1 like I should.

Why might music move up the ranks to settle on such a high priority? It is because of its nature. Day after day, the music school engrains my head with the idea of "perfectionism." Every little detail counts. It's SO easy as a musician to get lost in the music because of the never ending cycle of seeking perfection- to SERVE the music (as my former piano teacher would say). And while that makes music so much more worth it to pursue, it also scares me at the same time. "You are what you eat," as they say. Who am I SERVING? That is my prayer and hopefully my focus- that I would come to realize the question's significance- these next several years in music school.

*****

So, the thoughts and lessons learned from the past 4 months?

I have been blessed incredibly with amazing friendships and mentors. I can't emphasize "incredible" enough! To have friends that are selfless, sacrificial, caring, loving- I see Christ through how they have blessed me. Everything from rides to the dry cleaners to hosting me at their house and sharing openly their deepest personal struggles while also listening to mine.

Financially, I have been incredibly blessed as well. I hardly payed for school this year, and I will probably get paid to go to school next year. Not having to work has helped me focus on being able to tackle my music much better, especially with my injury.

About my injury: over dozen doctors, physical therapists and specialists, and 2 years later... I finally met a doctor that knew how to diagnose my problem. My previous one had come close, but didn't give me the right treatment. The fact that it took me moving down to Texas to go to school, having my injury reoccur, not having out-of-state insurance, and having to deal with most of it alone without parents- and having God still be able to heal me, is against a lot of odds! It has really showed me that God works in ways that we can't imagine. Not only that, but God also made me appreciate music more. If I had not had this hurdle, I wouldn't treasure fully the time I AM actually able to practice or perform. Plus, I have possibly the most compassionate, musical, down-to-earth teacher in the world- and I don't hesitate to say it: quite the opposite of my high school teacher, and exactly what I was looking for.

Dealing with people: I'm not even going to start on how many things went wrong with my wild roommates, but it was a huge struggle not to blow up or get really angry at them. I never had people I really, really disliked- until this semester. Learning to be patient and show Christ's love (they knew I was a Christian), was something that I had to learn, even when I wanted to yell and point fingers.


My identity in Christ: How important is it really to you, that Christ gave his life for you? Does that make you want to identify in Him? Have a burning passion and desire for Him? Serve Him?
I see all my friends who don't know Christ- how much of what they do is the same as myself, except without an eternal purpose. Now, I'm not trying to put myself above them- I am no better than them. In fact, if anything, I feel the greater need to share about Christ so that they too can experience the same. But just how important your life in Christ is- that's what counts. This semester, I saw a lot of people that identified in Christ over all other things, and it was extremely encouraging. Their faith is what caused them to be able to sacrifice "worldly things" that most people hold on to tightly because it is their only purpose in this life.

This semester, I shared one of my deepest struggles with two of my mentors. I was confused, hurting, lost in sin, bothered and so much more because I had held it in for many years and was so ashamed of it that I couldn't tell anyone. Since they didn't struggle with the same thing, I expected a very generic answer without a lot of understanding or insight. Instead, they said something incredibly profound: "We struggle with a lot of sin, but it is not sin that makes your identity. If you make Christ your identity, then the sin will be taken care of. No matter what it is, put Christ first, and the rest will follow." I am still struggling, and probably will be struggling with this for a very long time, but it is encouraging to know that I have the ability to seek a cure. One that is Christ.

Questioning faith: The one class I keep coming back to, Human Situation- does not address the human situation at all. It bashes and questions the supernatural, divine and everything else that goes along with faith and religion. Hundreds of times, I found myself sucked into that class, unable to refute what the professor were trying to engrain into my head because I knew deep inside that I did not really know what I believe as well as I should. Which brings about the importance of learning about why you believe what you believe. In college, it is not your parent's faith; it is not your pastor's faith; it is YOUR faith. That is why people choose to follow Christ or leave Christ in college. I wish, so hard, that I took all the bible lessons, memorizing bible verses and sunday school so much more seriously back in high school. Hundreds of times, I find myself unable to pull out verses when I need them, or when I'm sharing the Gospel, to be able to refer to the bible. If there's one thing I learned, it's to start taking it seriously and really get into the Word more. There are so many applications, and you just can't afford to ignore them.

Letting go of grades: In high school, I killed myself over an A- or B+. I worked as hard as I could to make sure that wouldn't happen. I thought that if you didn't get an "A," you would not get into a good college and your life would be screwed over. So, you can imagine why when I received my gpa of a B+ this semester, I felt a little shocked. Yet, I realized it was time to let go and not freak out or worry- as long as I tried my best.

Being independent: I wasn't overly reliant on my parents in high school, but I realized really how much they did for me when I did need help. Now a thousand miles away, they couldn't help and I couldn't ask for help either. When stuff got overwhelming I just had to suck it up and deal. In fact, even when I called home, my parents sometimes wouldn't really advise me at all for anything. At first I thought they were just being hard on me, but by the end of the semester, I realized I couldn't do things always relying on people. A lot of things I had to take care of myself. The more I got frustrated, the more my Christian friends and mentors turned me towards God for my answers. That's exactly what I needed...
Talking with some of my friends that stayed in-state for college, I feel like I learned many times more because I went to college out-of-state.

I pray that God will continue to use amazing people in my life to encourage me, and that I can someday encourage people in the same way that they have encouraged me. It's not a coincidence that I ended up at UH. So many things happened that only point to God's work within my life. The very place I hated (Texas) turned into one of my life's biggest blessings, where I learned so many lessons and experienced God in so many ways- more than I could ever ask for.

Is there any more I can say?


-Koinonia kai Zelos

Soon, soon...

It's been a long time, and God has placed a lot on my heart to share.

But, it's saturday night and getting up for church is more important, so until then....

-KKZ

A Simple Thanksgiving Reflection

I thank God for,

Friends to celebrate the thanksgiving weekend with,

Close friends in my Christian fellowships,

Being able to see Him through others,

Spiritual mentors; Being convicted to openness,

Giving me a strong-willed personality,

Putting me through everything I've gone through this semester,

Humbly forcing me to go back to basics with my piano repertoire,

A diagnosis for my hand,

Providing a caring, amazing piano professor,

A family that still cares a lot, even 1000 miles away,

Taking care of my financial needs,

Watching over me this semester- carrying me through the ups and downs,

And for countless other things that I don't even realize....


Happy thanksgiving, all

-KKZ


"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever."
Psalm 107:1

Purpose

This weekend was the retreat with InterVarsity. Going in, I didn't expect a whole lot. I just prayed that God would reveal to me what the purpose of me being there was.

For a long while, I have been really trying to see my purpose for being in Texas for college. Often, with all the hurdles I've had to deal with in the past few months, it made me all the more confused when I pondered this.

After this weekend though, I saw one facet of God's plan for me through the retreat. This retreat was in the middle of nowhere and hours away from the big city. On Saturday night, a few people decided to go spread out a sleeping bag on the grass and watch the stars- something that I never got to do even when I was back at home, where the outdoors is appreciated a lot. Having just come off pulling a near all-nighter on thursday night for a paper, I don't remember having been able to relax like that since the summer. Caleb, Boomer and I prayed for a shooting star, and literally half a minute later- the brightest shooting star ever fell from the sky. It was followed by about two dozen more in the next hour.
I can honestly say I've been to retreats and appreciated God's work of nature, but it was never presented to me like that before. Definitely an eye-opening experience.

The thing that God revealed to me this weekend was a piece of the puzzle that I seemed to be missing. At the retreat, there was a session about appreciating and understanding the diversity that makes up IV. Sitting through that session, I realized that this was one of the reasons God didn't want me in at the University of Minnesota, and he didn't want me in the midwest at all. In fact, he didn't even want me at Rice University. Being at UH gave me the opportunity to part of/reach a multi-ethnic fellowship group and also at the same time, also connect with the Asian group at Rice. If I had gone to Rice, I am almost certain that I would have only been part of CCF (an asian fellowship) and not Intervarsity. It is really eye-opening to be able to interact with a whole bunch of different people, considering I have grown up with the Chinese Church since I was young. It is also equally as amazing to still be able to have a Chinese Church/ asian college fellowship at the same time. God also made me realize this weekend that I have the opportunity to serve in two mission fields as I go through my undergrad- many more open doors that I could imagine. It's amazing how He works, even when you, a mere little human, think it's for the worst....

It is through people like Dan (both of them), Sammy, Caleb, Stephen, Jeff, Tim, Matt and so many others- that God has been encouraging me through this time. College isn't too bad in and of itself, but to not know anybody when you first get here, and to be a thousand miles away from home, it's a little difficult. For a long time, I have hoped and prayed that God would help me find some good, close, Christian friends that I could talk to. This weekend confirmed that he has provided for that and more.

thanks, God.

-KKZ

Academia and I- an unlikely mix?

In my honors english class, skepticism runs high and religious tensions are becoming more charged. We have finally moved into the realm of philosophical books (no, not Nietzsche yet, but close). It makes it so hard to be in there and NOT question your faith. All the agnosticism and pointlessness of circular arguments makes me wonder if I should be in the class at all. At the beginning of the semester, I was confident that this so called "human situation" class wouldn't faze me in any way at all. Apparently that's not true, because I am overthinking everything now- about religion, about life, about human nature. While I know that nothing in the class will shake my faith, it is still a struggle to not buy into some of the stuff that is talked about. Perhaps this is a test of my faith and will strengthen it in the end?

So many things right now are pointing to the fact that I need to get out of the honors college- I want to take elective composition/conducting classes, I want to spend more time practicing/joining the higher level choir, and the credits for honors are just not doable in my music schedule. Yet, there is a huge sense of community that I feel I would be leaving behind. My mentor said a few weeks ago during one of our conversations: "it is a mission field! and because of the nature of the classes, so many doors are open to you to share your faith." I suppose that is one of the very few reasons I have not totally dropped out.

Playing a contemporary christian song with my friend in honors coffeehouse two nights ago, I realized something that had not been made "real" to me until that night. While the music could have been "bolder" in it's message of Christ, I was able to see that my music can be a testimony for Christ.

In the past, it has been, sadly to say, almost embarrassing for me to outright share my faith. It was not a comfortable thing for me- as with many other people. But if you really think about it, do we have a reason to ashamed of it? According to many honors college professors- yes. But is it really a sign of weakness?
There is a reason, that in our human nature we turn to a higher or divine power. If God didn't exist, why would humans all throughout history conceive of a higher power? It is obviously instilled into us because we are "made in His image." Instead of turning to something absolutely unthinkable, it is in our nature to turn to a higher power.
Is there anything to be ashamed of if it's absolute truth?

As Paul said:
"I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile."
-Romans 1:16

Sure I think of all the ridicule or opposition I might get, but in the end I hope that I will be carrying out what God wants me to do. I said in an earlier post that I have no idea what God wants for me, being so far away from home in this seeming foreign country called Texas, but if the honors college is part of it, or if piano or composition or conducting is part of it, I intend to stay in it and carry out what I am meant to do. Yeah, it might suck at times, but it seems only logical to let God take care of it. I've held onto and wrestled with some things for so long, and figured out in the end that it was not worth the worrying and obsessing over.

A few more weeks until thanksgiving, then finals and juries. It's not going to get any easier or less frustrating and stressful, but I know there's a purpose. And THAT'S what makes it worth it.


-KKZ

Late Night [deep] Musician Ramblings...

As a musicians, we deal with the structural but also the abstract. It is often possible to describe the structure of music, but more difficult to describe how to facilitate it in your playing, or how you should bring out that structure to your audience.

Sometimes, the colors or tone of the music evoke the weirdest things out of you if you let them. In a studio class, my piano professor was talking about the composer Alexander Scriabin, and how he saw literal colors and hues when music was in different key signatures.

Something like this happened to me the other day.

I was sitting in my practice room, trying to memorize Brahm's op. 118, no. 2- Intermezzo. The middle section contains a rhythmic and intense 3-against-2 with f# minor chords. Being very distracted that day, my mind began to wander as my fingers kept playing. My mind echoed the intensity of the musical passage.

Then, there was a very disturbing [dream?... except I wouldn't call it that because I was awake]:

I pictured myself taking a break in the music school lobby and suddenly (don't ask me why- I blame the music...) a gun man comes in and starts pointing his gun at all the students in the lobby. Everybody screamed and ducked behind the couches and tables. Silently, the man walked through the room. He called out "do any of you guys call yourselves Christian? If you do, stand out and make yourself known!" I stood up, with the expectation that I would be shot point blank, on the spot. But for some unexplainable reason, the gun man didn't shoot me. Instead, he tried to make me do something horrible. He said "I want you to call out another Christian and shoot him for me." He handed me the gun, but in my horror I couldn't do it. He was about to take the gun and shoot me himself, but one of my close Christian friends also in the room (he's not a even a music major) jumped up from a table and tried to trip the gunman as he reached for the gun in my hand. Unfortunately, the gunman had already grabbed the gun from my hand and shot my friend. The next thing I remember is that I was standing over my friend's body, helpless. And then the whole scene ended.

Shocking, isn't it? I guess f# minor is the key of death...

The weirdest thing was- this wasn't even a dream, it was something that popped into my mind when I was really deep into the music. Maybe I was hallucinating?

Weird? yeah. But did it make me think? yeah.

After my practice session, I took a lot of time to ponder what had just happened.

I remembered back a few years ago where this actually happened at a school.

I remembered my pastor's sunday school lesson on the little girl who had stood up for Christ in an underground church and was shot by soldiers when they were discovered.

I remembered all the stories and books I read on Eric Liddell, the famous track runner, as a child and how he chose to stay in a prison camp rather than give his place to another. Or how he chose not to run on a Sunday during the Olympics because he placed God and church first in his life.

If I were really in that sort of situation, would I honestly be able to stand up and say "Yes, I'm a Christian and I'm not ashamed of it."
Honestly speaking, I believe I would have to say "no." Which is sad.
How come that people in other religions are willing to die for their faith, but I don't even seem to have enough motivation to do my devotions, let alone stand up to die for my faith?

And about Christ as the focus of our daily lives-- think about it! If it were not for Christ, we would still be dead. Is that not something to think about every single day we are living? And yet we forget so easily like the cross has absolutely no meaning except when we are talking to our Christian friends or at church on Sundays.

A lot to think about, a lot to ponder. But for something this significant, how can one not ponder?


keep thinking,

-KKZ

Brokenness...

.... is it what we long for? Is it what we need?

So it's been a long, long time since I've written anything.

Things are not going well. My tendinitis came back, and not only will it not go away, but it's actually preventing me from playing a lot of stuff- something that has not happened before.
Talking with a friend here in Texas, he made me realize that this injury has caused me to appreciate playing so much more- I can't take for granted playing piano anymore. Everytime I can actually play, it means so much more.

Yet, I'm really worried and scared that I will not be able to continue with this as my major. I'm on scholarship for piano, and I can't just stop for a semester- what could happen? It's like I'm sitting here waiting for my dreams to be shattered. Or maybe it's not God's will for me.
I don't know. All I know, it's really hard not to be depressed, bitter, and angry about all this, even though I know there is a reason that I am going through all this. I think about it every day and every night, though I know it's not healthy. But I'm sure any normal person who has been uprooted, made independent, with little support would feel as helpless as I am right now.

Think about it this way-- what if your passion- the thing you loved most was suddenly taken away from you?


In addition to this, I'm struggling with the idea of dropping the honors college. This injury has taken over my mind a lot, and it's hard to focus. My first 4 weeks here were already not as focused as they should be. I want to pursue MUSIC- piano, composition, and choir, not honors english & humanities. They sell it to you as "conducive to your major," when you first arrive, but really if you think about it- it's NOT.
I've heard arguments that becoming well-rounded will help you become a better musician. But who's to say that I wouldn't learn a good amount taking normal classes, while still being able to focus on music.
Two things are keeping me from cutting it off right now: First, my mentor put it this way: "It is a mission field that would be lost. A lot of the things discussed in that class have to do with philosophy and human nature- things that would open so many doors for sharing your faith." Secondly, I have never been one to settle for less when there is an opportunity in front of me. This could be bad- as seen in my high school years when I piled on way more than I could chew, but yet, it's good because I know that I will never be satisfied settling for "mediocre."

****************
As much struggle as there has been over the past 4-5 weeks, there have also been a lot of joys. I have a good group of pianist/music friends that do almost everything music together. I made four close friends, two from my university and two from a private university 10 miles down the road- all of them around my age. I have also been blessed with an awesome accountability/mentor buddy. Right now, I have joined both InterVaristy Christian Fellowship and also Cornerstone Christian Fellowship. It's kind of tough to balance going to both, but I now feel too attached to leave either.

Someday soon, I hope to be able to share with the youth group I left back at home about all I am learning. Even in 4 weeks- I have learned more than I imagined.

It is so easy to lose sight of your focus in college. As much as I have been plugged-in to all these fellowships and a good church, it's been really tough to maintain my spiritual walk. You think that leaving the "structured life" of high school would give you much more time, but in reality it doesn't. This is especially true of pianists and honors college kids who either spend their waking hours practicing or studying. That "lazy" feeling of not wanting to do your devotions or missing church is just as prevalent as it was back in high school. In fact, it's even easier to get away with not doing it, especially if you don't have accountability or anyone to nag at you all the time. So much stuff is "on your own"- like if you don't feel like cleaning your room, your mom won't make you clean it. If you don't want to eat vegetables for dinner, you don't have to. If you don't want to go to church, no one will make you. You really discover where your real "heart" lies. After these 4 weeks, I see how true the statistic of strong "high school christians" turn away from Christ after hitting college. And I'm sure, unfortunately, that many of my friends back at home who professed their faith in high school, now no longer follow through with it.

It's been really easy to let things slide and not care, but the more I talk with my friends, the more I see that without Christ, a lot of things are not worth the effort. That doesn't make it easier, but at least I have recognized that there is something that I must actively pursue every day. Now, acting on that, that's another story- one I'm still trying to figure out and work on.

Another thing I've experienced in here is the need to have a lot of biblical knowledge and knowledge of your faith. You WILL be challenged- and in my short time here, my faith has been challenged multiple times already. You don't realize how weak or strong your faith is until its foundations are tested. And with college being the place where you find out your "true self," trust me, it's going to be tested- not just by professors, but by your friends and even by yourself, when you have doubts.
One thing I wish I had done more of before college was to pay more attention in sunday school and youth group. Many of us knock them off as something that is not important, or merely for fun. I mean- who really cares about the difference between Calvinism & Armenianism or why predestination and free-will really matter? Or does it? Why do I wish that when I share my faith with my non-christian friends, that I could effortlessly support what I'm saying with passages (that I never memorized) from the bible?

One thing I've learned is that if you are going to be proactive about sharing or defending your faith in college, you have to have a solid foundation and understanding of why you believe what you believe (really?? people do that? I would have never guessed... lol). Because of this, I'm now beginning to take theology, bible study, and other things we learn in church much more seriously.

____________
No, I haven't gained my freshman 15 yet, but I'm really having a rough time adjusting right now. The biggest source of it all: my injury. This week has been one of the most testing on my patience, trust/reliance on God, and desperation/brokenness. I would really appreciate all your prayers, especially with the seemingly unfixable, dead-end situation with my hand. Pray that I can obtain insurance if I end up going to see a performance hand specialist. I'm not sure my parent's insurance will cover anything.

And for many of you, I am not coming back home for Thanksgiving (sadly... ), so I will see you during Christmas break...

I better stop typing or my tendinitis will flare up...

in pace,

-Koinonia kai Zelos



"...Take my life and form it,
Take my mind and transform it,
Take my will and conform it,
To yours, to yours, oh Lord."

it was coming...

Person X is sitting at his computer pondering the past 2 hours and 15 minutes.

In that course of time, he has seen 2 really, really drunk people (friendly drunks, might I add... lol); several buzzed people; and a very disgusting bathroom, filled with urine and spit, that he shares with a few of those people. Not to mention the carpet... when they came into his and his roommate's room..


Person X?? Person X is me.

Goodnight? (not likely....)

College Experience 101 (#1)

More to come later...

-KKZ

Cockroaches, Fireants, and Humidity- oh my!

So, what has the Texan college kid been up to?

well... in my first week, I got bitten by fire ants, encountered numerous cockroaches, sweated 20 times more than I do back at home, had an upset stomach (and more...), and got weird rash/bumps on my skin.
Plus, I was told about Texan snakes, spiders, and other random critters that don't exist in the snowy north. And I guess "pop" doesn't exist either. It's "soda." And they think I say "bag" funny too...

Overall, though, it's been a great experience! I've met a lot of new friends and suprisingly, many Christians- including Christian musicians and honors students. The distractions are pretty bad, though. Sometimes, you feel like it takes a lot of willpower to say "no" and go study instead. As a person who's tried to get his hands on everything in high school, this will be one of the biggest things I need to work on as a college student.

While the "switchover" to freedom has been a little weird (no, mom, I don't always eat my vegetables at dinner...), the biggest change was actually in the professors.

A few deep thoughts:

Being in the honors college, you are influenced heavily by academia and there is a lot of intellectualism. Now, obviously, this is not bad in and of itself, but typically when you mix non-christians, liberalism, and academia, it can start turning your world as you know it upside down. For one particular honors class, I get the feeling of a quasi anti-christian environment. The discussions are circular, because there really is no answer if you leave religion or Christ out of the picture. Topics like "why do you think humans developed a social contract structure, and why can't we just kill people if we feel like it," have no meaning if you don't believe that there is more to human life than just life itself and our "Freudian" instincts and desires. Just having the knowledge that we must shape our world is not enough. Knowledge without action is useless. Yet, knowledge is also a good foundation and grounds for argument, debate, and discussion about what we believe. It's just that it is very difficult to debate without Christ in the picture. If you're in a class where the professor refuses to let your beliefs influence the "purely academic nature" of the discussion, then what do you glean out of it as a Christian? nothing. It's the worldly view, not a Christian view. In fact, this view may cause you to question whether or not you can validate your faith in the midst of logical, academic thought. Both views, "worldly" and "Christian" are entirely different in thought, intent and also foundation. As Christians we believe in something more than the world. If you have a worldly view point, you see this as "it," with the necessity of "making it big," or creating a sense of false harmony in an undeniably unharmonious world. Making life just work for you and everyone around you- is that it? What is the point, if in the end, we die, and it comes down to nothing?

After just 2 sessions of the class, I can see why it is so easy for college students (and philosophy majors.. lol) to question their faith in college and turn away. We debate about things that nobody can come to a conclusion about, but yet, the professors make it seem like it IS the answer.

I chose music as a major because I love it. But another reason is that I really dislike certain aspects of academia. As much as it can be good and necessary, it is so easy to get sucked up into the mindset that you know enough that you don't need anybody or anything to tell you otherwise. As you delve in and study in your fields, it is no suprise that some professors reflect their interpretations of certain texts or theories that they study. It's undeniable- for example, you couldn't say that I'm a pianist but that I don't believe in playing music. How the professors teach, you can tell what they think and believe- skepticism.
****************************************************


On an entirely different note, I have gotten in really close contact with the Intervarsity Fellowship on campus. I'm praying that this is the right group that God has called me to be on. I'm also praying that God will lead me to a good older Christian mentor. That definitely encouraged me during my high school years back at home.


I hope all is going well in all your lives as well. If you're actually taking the time to read this, I know you're a close friend or one that knows me well, and I really appreciate it.

More to come later.

blessings,

-KKZ

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger.

(flashback to 7/27/09)
Got back from summer conference. Liked the message, but thought that the conference itself was kind of a disaster- people going off campus to do as they wanted, people messing around with each other, and general chaos/disorganization...

My thoughts:
hmm... one week til Teen Camp, and then one week til college. Whatever- I have no expectations of meeting God, especially after I didn't really [choose to] find Him after SC or any other retreat for the past year for that matter...

(8/11/09)
Boy was I WRONG. And thank God I was wrong. Teen Camp was different. It's not a spiritual high, because right now- even 3 days after it ended, I still feel nearly as passionate about Christ as I did when I was there. I like to think of it as an "awakening" rather than a "high."

The best part was that the people there already had two bonds- one in Christ and one as asians!

I really wanted to have the same passion for Christ that some of them had during worship and just in general. One guy I talked to- who I got to know pretty well during camp- responded in this way when I asked him about his passion for Christ: "the only reason is because of His grace." That really hit me hard. So many times, growing up in church all my life, I take for granted the real nature that is Christ. Often, we forget how much his sacrifice means, and how easy and lazy you can be a Christian in America, without persecution. Teen Camp really inspired me (plus the worship was awesome and not distracting, so you could really really focus) and hopefully that will carry on as I leave for college next week. I thank God for showing me something, even though I didn't even ask or expect it. This is a true example of Him pulling us back to the relationship, even if we have strayed and don't want to come back.

____________

On a different note, most of the Teen Campers were from CCUC in Chicago. Many times when colleges were brought up during the week, I got this: "YOU'RE CRAZY. YOU'RE NOT GOING NORTHWESTERN AND YOU GOT ACCEPTED?!?"

Getting ready for bed today, it kind of hit me. Northwestern was right there on my doorstep and I DID pass it up. Just like that. Yes you can say "it's more of a hype than what it's made out to be," but really, there would have been so many benefits: close to home, strong music program, big name, hardworking student body, right next to Chicago and Chinatown, I could visit my CCUC friends, it's right next to a lake- (water? in Houston? ha...), though the loans would be more than Houston, I would be paying considerably less than most Northwestern students. What more could you ask for?

Yet, I believe that there's a reason I'm going to the U of Houston. What that reason is, I'm not sure yet. I guess I'll tell you when I find out. What I do know is that I have to trust that God has a purpose for all this, whether or not I can see the end result...

6 days left.... My next post will probably be from the land of cowboys and country music.


Hasta más tarde,

-K.k.Z.

TC'09 STRONGER. Seniors '09.

First post...

So, July is winding down and August is almost here. College is on the horizon and I'm feeling a million emotions at once!!
I've already met quite a few people at UH, including several Christians- one of them being a pianist also! Still deciding what fellowship groups would be best to join. I've already encountered some that are questionable in theology and what they believe...


So why the blog? Three reasons: one is to have a place to write my thoughts as I progress being a musician and college student for the next 4 or so years. two is to be able to share those thoughts with whoever cares to listen (or rather- read). three is to write about my spiritual life- the battles, struggles, the joys, the walk with Christ-the side that, during high school, many of my friends didn't see about me.


-koinōnia: fellowship and community (in a Christian sense)
-zēlos:a passion, fervor, or ardour for (my music and for Christ)


Spero ti vada tutto bene,


-Koinonia kai Zelos