Thursday, November 26, 2009
A Simple Thanksgiving Reflection
I thank God for,
Friends to celebrate the thanksgiving weekend with,
Close friends in my Christian fellowships,
Being able to see Him through others,
Spiritual mentors; Being convicted to openness,
Giving me a strong-willed personality,
Putting me through everything I've gone through this semester,
Humbly forcing me to go back to basics with my piano repertoire,
A diagnosis for my hand,
Providing a caring, amazing piano professor,
A family that still cares a lot, even 1000 miles away,
Taking care of my financial needs,
Watching over me this semester- carrying me through the ups and downs,
And for countless other things that I don't even realize....
Happy thanksgiving, all
-KKZ
"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever."
Psalm 107:1
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Purpose
This weekend was the retreat with InterVarsity. Going in, I didn't expect a whole lot. I just prayed that God would reveal to me what the purpose of me being there was.
For a long while, I have been really trying to see my purpose for being in Texas for college. Often, with all the hurdles I've had to deal with in the past few months, it made me all the more confused when I pondered this.
After this weekend though, I saw one facet of God's plan for me through the retreat. This retreat was in the middle of nowhere and hours away from the big city. On Saturday night, a few people decided to go spread out a sleeping bag on the grass and watch the stars- something that I never got to do even when I was back at home, where the outdoors is appreciated a lot. Having just come off pulling a near all-nighter on thursday night for a paper, I don't remember having been able to relax like that since the summer. Caleb, Boomer and I prayed for a shooting star, and literally half a minute later- the brightest shooting star ever fell from the sky. It was followed by about two dozen more in the next hour.
I can honestly say I've been to retreats and appreciated God's work of nature, but it was never presented to me like that before. Definitely an eye-opening experience.
The thing that God revealed to me this weekend was a piece of the puzzle that I seemed to be missing. At the retreat, there was a session about appreciating and understanding the diversity that makes up IV. Sitting through that session, I realized that this was one of the reasons God didn't want me in at the University of Minnesota, and he didn't want me in the midwest at all. In fact, he didn't even want me at Rice University. Being at UH gave me the opportunity to part of/reach a multi-ethnic fellowship group and also at the same time, also connect with the Asian group at Rice. If I had gone to Rice, I am almost certain that I would have only been part of CCF (an asian fellowship) and not Intervarsity. It is really eye-opening to be able to interact with a whole bunch of different people, considering I have grown up with the Chinese Church since I was young. It is also equally as amazing to still be able to have a Chinese Church/ asian college fellowship at the same time. God also made me realize this weekend that I have the opportunity to serve in two mission fields as I go through my undergrad- many more open doors that I could imagine. It's amazing how He works, even when you, a mere little human, think it's for the worst....
It is through people like Dan (both of them), Sammy, Caleb, Stephen, Jeff, Tim, Matt and so many others- that God has been encouraging me through this time. College isn't too bad in and of itself, but to not know anybody when you first get here, and to be a thousand miles away from home, it's a little difficult. For a long time, I have hoped and prayed that God would help me find some good, close, Christian friends that I could talk to. This weekend confirmed that he has provided for that and more.
thanks, God.
-KKZ
For a long while, I have been really trying to see my purpose for being in Texas for college. Often, with all the hurdles I've had to deal with in the past few months, it made me all the more confused when I pondered this.
After this weekend though, I saw one facet of God's plan for me through the retreat. This retreat was in the middle of nowhere and hours away from the big city. On Saturday night, a few people decided to go spread out a sleeping bag on the grass and watch the stars- something that I never got to do even when I was back at home, where the outdoors is appreciated a lot. Having just come off pulling a near all-nighter on thursday night for a paper, I don't remember having been able to relax like that since the summer. Caleb, Boomer and I prayed for a shooting star, and literally half a minute later- the brightest shooting star ever fell from the sky. It was followed by about two dozen more in the next hour.
I can honestly say I've been to retreats and appreciated God's work of nature, but it was never presented to me like that before. Definitely an eye-opening experience.
The thing that God revealed to me this weekend was a piece of the puzzle that I seemed to be missing. At the retreat, there was a session about appreciating and understanding the diversity that makes up IV. Sitting through that session, I realized that this was one of the reasons God didn't want me in at the University of Minnesota, and he didn't want me in the midwest at all. In fact, he didn't even want me at Rice University. Being at UH gave me the opportunity to part of/reach a multi-ethnic fellowship group and also at the same time, also connect with the Asian group at Rice. If I had gone to Rice, I am almost certain that I would have only been part of CCF (an asian fellowship) and not Intervarsity. It is really eye-opening to be able to interact with a whole bunch of different people, considering I have grown up with the Chinese Church since I was young. It is also equally as amazing to still be able to have a Chinese Church/ asian college fellowship at the same time. God also made me realize this weekend that I have the opportunity to serve in two mission fields as I go through my undergrad- many more open doors that I could imagine. It's amazing how He works, even when you, a mere little human, think it's for the worst....
It is through people like Dan (both of them), Sammy, Caleb, Stephen, Jeff, Tim, Matt and so many others- that God has been encouraging me through this time. College isn't too bad in and of itself, but to not know anybody when you first get here, and to be a thousand miles away from home, it's a little difficult. For a long time, I have hoped and prayed that God would help me find some good, close, Christian friends that I could talk to. This weekend confirmed that he has provided for that and more.
thanks, God.
-KKZ
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Academia and I- an unlikely mix?
In my honors english class, skepticism runs high and religious tensions are becoming more charged. We have finally moved into the realm of philosophical books (no, not Nietzsche yet, but close). It makes it so hard to be in there and NOT question your faith. All the agnosticism and pointlessness of circular arguments makes me wonder if I should be in the class at all. At the beginning of the semester, I was confident that this so called "human situation" class wouldn't faze me in any way at all. Apparently that's not true, because I am overthinking everything now- about religion, about life, about human nature. While I know that nothing in the class will shake my faith, it is still a struggle to not buy into some of the stuff that is talked about. Perhaps this is a test of my faith and will strengthen it in the end?
So many things right now are pointing to the fact that I need to get out of the honors college- I want to take elective composition/conducting classes, I want to spend more time practicing/joining the higher level choir, and the credits for honors are just not doable in my music schedule. Yet, there is a huge sense of community that I feel I would be leaving behind. My mentor said a few weeks ago during one of our conversations: "it is a mission field! and because of the nature of the classes, so many doors are open to you to share your faith." I suppose that is one of the very few reasons I have not totally dropped out.
Playing a contemporary christian song with my friend in honors coffeehouse two nights ago, I realized something that had not been made "real" to me until that night. While the music could have been "bolder" in it's message of Christ, I was able to see that my music can be a testimony for Christ.
In the past, it has been, sadly to say, almost embarrassing for me to outright share my faith. It was not a comfortable thing for me- as with many other people. But if you really think about it, do we have a reason to ashamed of it? According to many honors college professors- yes. But is it really a sign of weakness?
There is a reason, that in our human nature we turn to a higher or divine power. If God didn't exist, why would humans all throughout history conceive of a higher power? It is obviously instilled into us because we are "made in His image." Instead of turning to something absolutely unthinkable, it is in our nature to turn to a higher power.
Is there anything to be ashamed of if it's absolute truth?
As Paul said:
"I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile."
-Romans 1:16
Sure I think of all the ridicule or opposition I might get, but in the end I hope that I will be carrying out what God wants me to do. I said in an earlier post that I have no idea what God wants for me, being so far away from home in this seeming foreign country called Texas, but if the honors college is part of it, or if piano or composition or conducting is part of it, I intend to stay in it and carry out what I am meant to do. Yeah, it might suck at times, but it seems only logical to let God take care of it. I've held onto and wrestled with some things for so long, and figured out in the end that it was not worth the worrying and obsessing over.
A few more weeks until thanksgiving, then finals and juries. It's not going to get any easier or less frustrating and stressful, but I know there's a purpose. And THAT'S what makes it worth it.
-KKZ
So many things right now are pointing to the fact that I need to get out of the honors college- I want to take elective composition/conducting classes, I want to spend more time practicing/joining the higher level choir, and the credits for honors are just not doable in my music schedule. Yet, there is a huge sense of community that I feel I would be leaving behind. My mentor said a few weeks ago during one of our conversations: "it is a mission field! and because of the nature of the classes, so many doors are open to you to share your faith." I suppose that is one of the very few reasons I have not totally dropped out.
Playing a contemporary christian song with my friend in honors coffeehouse two nights ago, I realized something that had not been made "real" to me until that night. While the music could have been "bolder" in it's message of Christ, I was able to see that my music can be a testimony for Christ.
In the past, it has been, sadly to say, almost embarrassing for me to outright share my faith. It was not a comfortable thing for me- as with many other people. But if you really think about it, do we have a reason to ashamed of it? According to many honors college professors- yes. But is it really a sign of weakness?
There is a reason, that in our human nature we turn to a higher or divine power. If God didn't exist, why would humans all throughout history conceive of a higher power? It is obviously instilled into us because we are "made in His image." Instead of turning to something absolutely unthinkable, it is in our nature to turn to a higher power.
Is there anything to be ashamed of if it's absolute truth?
As Paul said:
"I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile."
-Romans 1:16
Sure I think of all the ridicule or opposition I might get, but in the end I hope that I will be carrying out what God wants me to do. I said in an earlier post that I have no idea what God wants for me, being so far away from home in this seeming foreign country called Texas, but if the honors college is part of it, or if piano or composition or conducting is part of it, I intend to stay in it and carry out what I am meant to do. Yeah, it might suck at times, but it seems only logical to let God take care of it. I've held onto and wrestled with some things for so long, and figured out in the end that it was not worth the worrying and obsessing over.
A few more weeks until thanksgiving, then finals and juries. It's not going to get any easier or less frustrating and stressful, but I know there's a purpose. And THAT'S what makes it worth it.
-KKZ
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