God Works in the Weirdest of Ways...

If only God would have come down at the Urbana missions conference, told me exactly what he wanted, that I would have joy doing it and that this was the purpose for me in my life...

Unfortunately, God doesn't always do this. And forgive me for even asking for a half-baked, easy way out.

Urbana '09 was what I expected, and also not. I knew a lot of missions organizations would be there, but I had no idea how God would use them to speak into my life. In fact, it was very confusing. To top it all off, amidst all the craziness and information overload, I got sick- the worst of it hitting in the middle of the conference.

Throughout this whole thing, I realized that God was speaking to me- not about where I was to serve, per se, but asking me a question: "Are you really willing to serve me?"

Over the course of the week, I had made close friends with my roommates, and it felt weird at the end of the conference when they all left. Being sick the whole week, I couldn't participate or focus very well on anything. I felt really guilty during the night where we were supposed to eat a meal of pita bread and beans to represent the hunger of the world. That was the day I felt most sick, and I kept thinking about my own needs- just how much water I needed to drink or how much decent food I should eat- to stay healthy!! And most sadly of all, I felt guilty for not being able to practice that week. Of all things?? Seriously?!?

I realized there are so many things I refuse to let go of- my structured piano studies, my comfort, my friends and my life. Also at Urbana, I think I was really close-minded about missions. I didn't truly let God work through the conference to let me gain a new perspective of missions. At the conference, there are "seminars" you can chose from that detail missions in different perspectives: the arts & communication, poverty, social issues, health care, evangelism and many others. I look back on the week and see that I closed my mind off very quickly when I saw "arts & communication." There were two arts seminars I attended. Being an artist, I thought, "of course these will be the right thing for me."

I found absolutely nothing in the first seminar, which was about worship, and while I found something related to using performance as a way to share Christ in the second seminar, it confused me more than helped me.

What I learned from the second seminar was that the arts are not a direct way to share Christ's love (unless of course, you are singing worship music). While through the arts, there are many doors and powerful opportunities opened, sharing the Gospel will usually be an "in between performances" thing. This whole concept confused me as to whether or not God wanted me to look here in the first place.

Thankfully, I don't see Urbana as a loss. I think it was necessary that God made me think about the facets of my life I identified heavily with. What am I and should I be willing to do in order to serve Christ fully? I believe that this is the first step for me when thinking about fulfilling the Great Commission, even before putting one foot out into that missions field.

One particular story about a ministry I looked into at Urbana: CTI Music Ministries (Carpenter's Tools International). My friend had played with them before in an overseas missions trip. This organization compiles a group of musically talented Christians and forms a band that trains and goes overseas to play concerts. At first, I was very excited that God might have been opening up a door that had to do with both missions and my major. But then, after auditioning, two things happened: First, I realized that they don't just play worship music, but also pop music in order to attract young concert-goers (not like really bad pop music- like h.s. musical and stuff like that...). The second thing that happened, though, was really more of a blatant sign that maybe it wasn't what God was calling me to. A few days after my audition (which was on a really crappy 3.5 octave keyboard recorded on a digital camera), I got an email saying that a bunch of files on the camera had corrupted, and that my audition was one of them.

Coincidence? Probably not...
Whether or not I should send in another audition cd? Not sure. But one thing's for sure, I know God intended for it to happen to show me that what I think is best is not always what He plans.


As we learned at Urbana: "We are all called to missions!"
Outside of my immediate surroundings and relationships, where? I'm not sure. But for sure, I have to pray that God will make me surrender to Him fully before he can fully use me.

Peter says in Acts 2:38- "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you receive the gift of the Holy Spirit..."

"... Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day, they continued to meet in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." -Acts 2:45-47

Submit your heart first to Christ, and then He will use you.



Wishing you a blessed and fruitful 2010,


Koinōnia kai Zēlos