The Life of a Musician: An Unstable Balance

Being a Christian-Musician. Now that's somewhat ironic. And those that are able to be both, props to you!

Sadly, many musicians I know these days are very full of themselves, and even if they are not, they are very independent- to an unhealthy point. So many of my colleagues in the musical realm have also followed the very enticing but dead-end philosophy of "serving the music." What all does that mean? It is true that music is a very powerful phenomenon- almost disturbing. Consider this true case-study:

An elderly man who had an illustrious career as a classical concert pianist became ill with alzheimer's disease. He soon was admitted to an elderly home, where he forgot relative's names and basic things most people remember out of second nature. Yet, one day, they sat him down at a piano and he played like there was no tomorrow.

So, it's understandable how musicians can be entranced by the idea that music is of the "ethereal realm," and that "serving the music" is spiritual enough for them.

Yet, as I went through my first semester of musical study, I realized that this could not be the case. As powerful as music is, it cannot reach higher than it's creator, God. It may seem like a "spiritual thing" to fill the voids of your soul, but in reality, without God, music is as empty and purposeless as a hollow jar.

It's this struggle that Christian musicians must face in order to make sure their priorities do not get all mixed up.

Which brings me to another point. I have struggled throughout my so far short piano career to balance between making myself well-known, and also making my piano playing Christ-centered and humble. In high school, I rarely won competitions. All my colleagues got to play with orchestras, won lots of money, got their name known and seemingly set themselves up to have great futures and careers in music. Now part of this might have been because I didn't focus as hard as I should have?

And recently, I found myself being really happy for a fellow colleague that had won a competition, but yet at the same time, something deep inside of me felt a little jealous and empty.

The pressure with music performance is that you have to "make it big," in order to "make it." All the time, I wonder to myself, if I haven't won a decently prominent competition by the end of my undergrad, what will happen?

While pride may be a big part of this, most of it stems from the insecurities and nature of being a musician. If I don't "make it big," (even in the slightest sense), then I won't be well known as a good performer or teacher. And if I'm not well-known, then I'll never land a job as a good high school or even college professor, which is currently a practical goal of mine. All this fear and doubt has really gotten in the way of what I believe Christ intends for me in terms of being a musician.


So at the moment, I think all I can do is hang on for dear life and pray that God will help me trust him to go in the right direction. In this grueling, cut-throat world of music, it's tough. But if this is what God's plan is for me, then I believe he will show me the way through.

Semester II starting in a few days:

Back to the practice room...


-KKZ