Uneasiness for the Future...

So call me paranoid, but I'm worried about my apartment next year. After what seems like a dozen rooming adjustments, the ball has finally settled. I am rooming with a random guy I don't know, and I know one of my apartmentmates half-decently. The other one drinks some (hopefully not a deja vu of last semester) and is very "close" (yes, in that sense) to his girlfriend. The environment is not exactly quiet, and generally, I was a little weirded out that my apartmentmate found me a random roommate so quickly and without really telling me.

But it's all college life right?

Wouldn't it be different if you knew how this would turn out in the end? That's exactly what discussion in my humanities class was about the past week or two. How do we know that we have free-will? Are we robots that think we have free-will but actually don't? A conclusion I came to was that we should act the way we do based on the fact that we don't know the future.

I'm a natural worrier. That is good in the sense that I am always prepared, but that is bad because it makes me stress out when I realize what I can't prepare for. After my friend called me and told me the roommate situation was officially set in stone, I thought to myself "oh crap!" But then, a very eerie feeling came over me. Not in a bad way, but in a soothing way, almost. A thought came to mind that God has a purpose for everything He does.

In Matthew 10:29: "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father."

Time and again, though I usually choose to fight it or ignore it, the purpose is still there. In this situation, I see everything that could go wrong, but God sees everything that could go right. In a way, it is as tough as addressing questions such as "why would God allow the Haitian and Chilean earthquakes?"

But, as mere human minds, we cannot comprehend the vastness of this. I was talking to my roommate about this last week. He was an intellectualist that had a lot of trouble accepting that God was real.

God really prompted me to respond to him in this way: "Just as we know there is a finite value to finding the integral to infinite limits in calculus, we know God is absolute- all powerful and in control of our perceptions of the events and world around us. We know there is an absolute truth because the subjective has no standard in which it is based, and yet still leads to opposing sides. Would you agree that there is either 'cold' or 'hot', and not something else like 'peanut butter?' Something is either moving faster or slower on the molecular level, not something totally irrelevant. Regardless of whether you think it is actually cold or hot, the fact is, there are two absolutes: faster or slower molecular motion. And those have an absolute too, as seen by the concept of absolute zero."

God is in absolute control. I realize I pretty much said that in my last post, but this post was a better organization of my thoughts. Plus, I just talked until 5 AM with my apartmentmate that I know well, and he made me realize just how big of a deal this was.
And over the next few months as those doubts and worries flood my head, I am going to need to beat that concept in. If I don't, the same thing that has happened to me all year will happen again- I will forget about God and try to do things by myself. As I've seen many times-- something that is all too dangerous to toy with.


-KKZ